A Test of Characters

[deppstergal]

The Plan

Initially, the travel arrangements were the biggest headache. I had to get all these guys together in the one place as quickly as possible and on an extremely tight budget. I started at the beginning and worked my way through the list of names.

Firstly, there was Glen who had only recently passed his drivers test. He was driving a pretty unreliable and seriously beat up old Chevrolet and I was worried about him making the journey on his own, so I called Tom Hanson. As I suspected, Tom was more than happy for Glen to hitch a ride with him and he was generous enough to offer to bring another couple of prospective visitors with him. I thanked him for his offer and told him I would get back to him if I needed his services. Such a helpful young man!

Next on the list was Edward, and I knew it would be practically impossible for him to make the journey on his own. Poor Edward was such a target for bullies and he had already learned the terrible consequences if he dared to lash back in anger. I needed someone special to entrust with the responsibility of getting Edward here safely and I knew just the guy to do it. Gilbert agreed immediately and I felt so proud of him, because I knew he would never let me down. I knew Edward would be safe with Gilbert.

Axel was less problematic. He was young, fit and healthy and he had finally mastered the art of flying, so he was planning to make the journey in his own light aircraft. He explained it wasn’t big, but he could manage to bring one other person. I sort felt like a heel for asking him to bring Spencer because I knew that Spencer was bound to give poor Axel a hard time, but I felt like I had no other option. I shuddered at the prospect of Spencer travelling with any of the others. Can you imagine putting the Commander together with the good Captain, or even worse, with Agent Sands!! It had to be Axel and until he and Spencer arrived safe and sound I knew I would be a nervous wreck.

I had worked out a solution for my dear sweet Sam. He was arriving by train and both Gene Watson and William Blake had agreed to be his travelling companions. I was rather pleased with this arrangement because I reckoned with both William and Gene being accountants they would have lots to talk about, and of course Sam is such a sweetheart that no one, male or female can help but be charmed by him. My train guys would be absolutely fine.

Finding a firm to hire a coach and horses from took a bit of time but a carriage journey seemed like the best means of travel for a couple of my other guests. Fred Abberline and Ichabod Crane were both detectives so I thought they should get along okay, but I had to ask Fred not to go into graphic details about his Ripper case or else poor Ichabod would spend the entire journey slumped in a faint! There was room for two others in the carriage, but which two would be suitable travelling companions for my two rather old fashioned police officers?

Donnie Brasco seemed like an obvious choice, but Donnie said no. He said that he wanted to travel undercover and asked me to put him with George who had been granted parole especially for this trip. I couldn’t refuse his request but I felt a little guilty as I crossed their names off my list. I just hoped Donnie would not blow his cover because I knew George would feel terrible if he knew he was under surveillance throughout the journey.

Next I thought about asking Don Juan and Cesar if they fancied making up the numbers in the carriage, but I was too late. The two of them had already agreed to make the journey on horseback, planning a little wooing of women on the way. Neither of them was willing to pass up on that opportunity to make the journey with two rather shy, conservative policemen, so I left Fred and Ichy on their own for the time being.

Raoul Duke was next on the list and he couldn’t wait to get behind the wheel of the Red Shark and make his way to my place. It seemed like a good idea to keep all the nut jobs together, so I asked Raoul if he would let Sands and Mort travel with him. He agreed, even going as far as to say he would let Sands share the driving with him, but he was less keen to let Mort do anything except sit in the back with a bag of Doritos and a can of Mountain Dew. Raoul said he didn’t think Mort’s eyesight was too good!

The next group of travellers would be headed by Sir James Barrie who was more than happy to bring the more theatrical guests in his old jalopy. Ed Wood was pleased to be travelling with a famous writer, but Bon Bon was little nervous to have a fellow transvestite taking away some of the attention of Sir James and Lt Victor. I assured her she would be fine and the promise of a new feather boa gained her agreement to the travel arrangements.

Of course, I never mentioned to her the new angora sweater that I had bribed Ed with, but no doubt she’d find out about it soon enough. Then there was the worry of how Lt Victor might react sitting between two gorgeous men dressed as women, and if he reacted as I feared he might, perhaps Sir James would feel a little intimidated. But on the other hand he might just transport them all to Neverland! Only time would tell.

There was only eight names left on my list now, and I was happy enough to cross Wade Walker off when as I predicted he called to say he would make the journey by motorcycle. I almost asked him if he would bring Gator Lerner as his pillion passenger, but in the end I decided Lerner had been through enough and that he’d probably be safer with Tom and Glen. I couldn’t imagine any of the other remaining guests riding pillion with Wade and I decided it was probably best for him to travel alone.

Roux and Captain Jack would be sailing into port together and I was happy with the arrangement. I reckoned if anyone could see through Jack and his ulterior motives, it would be Roux. And Jack was probably the only person I could think off who would fail to be charmed by the sexy Irishman. They would keep each other in check without any real tension developing, and who knows they could end up being the best of friends. I did worry a little about underestimating Roux’s charm, especially given Jack’s tendency to be a little fey, but I decided Jack was safer with Roux than he would be with John Wilmot.

The Earl was a real problem! By rights I should have put him in the carriage with Fred and Ichabod but I knew Wilmot’s hedonistic ways would not be tolerated by Fred and poor Ichabod would be shocked by the Earl’s tendency to use profanity. Maybe the Earl would be better off on horseback with Don Juan and Cesar? Or perhaps he’d feel more at home with the nut jobs? None of them were averse to a little perversity now and again----and yet, and yet none of them seem right for the Earl. So in the end, I did what I suspected I would do right from the word go. I called up Gilbert and in the nicest way possible I dumped the Earl on him. Poor Gilbert! He pays such a high price for being a decent guy, but I will think of a way to make it up to him later on.

Willy Wonka had his own form of transport in the glass elevator, but to be honest, he didn’t seem that keen to have any passengers. He’s not the most sociable guy in the world, but he must get lonely sometimes. The best I could do was to gain his agreement that if he spotted Raphael who was making the journey on foot, that he would stop and offer him a lift. I was more than a little worried about Raphael because he seemed the most reluctant to make the journey. He just seemed so sad all the time, but so strong willed and determined to see things through to the bitter end. I had no idea what Willy would make of Raphael, but I would have put money on Raphael refusing any lift offered to him by Willy or anyone else.

That only left Dean Corso, and I’ll tell you now, he’s a hard guy to track down! I could tell he was pretty indifferent to making the journey and he kept saying he would think about it, but without offering any kind of commitment. I explained I was trying to fix all the guests up with transport and possibly a travelling companion, and he got annoyed and told me in no uncertain terms that if, and he stressed IF, he decided to show up he would make his own arrangements. So I ended up giving him my address and phone number and all the other details he needed, but I still had no idea if he intended to grace our gathering or not.

With the travel arrangements finally sorted out, it was time for me to start thinking about accommodation for my guests. I was hoping that if some of journeys had been successful, I could team up the travelling companions as roommates because I could not offer all of them a single room. In fact in my own private residence I had one single and two double rooms at my disposal. The rest of the accommodation would be supplied by the motel next door to my home. I had booked a further 2 single rooms, four triple and five double rooms, but I decided to wait until my guest began to arrive before making any final decisions on who would share with who. I wasn’t really looking forward to making those choices.

[The Caribbean Crusader]

More please! I'm loving it!

(Btw, welcome to JA! I can already tell you'll fit right in!)

[The Poetic Protégée]

Yay! This is awesome! ;D

I love how my Earl is already causing problems Gotta love him Poor Gilbert.

More please I'm hooked!

[deppstergal]

Arrivals

Friday Evening


I had told my guests that they were welcome to arrive at any time from the Friday evening to the Sunday evening and I was keeping my fingers crossed that they didn’t all turn up at once! I also had to have five of them actually staying under my roof and I had a rough idea of who I wanted in my house, but I was less sure about how I would explain my choice to the others. Despite all my careful planning I was beginning to think this whole character convention was not such a good idea! I mean, how can you take 30 guys from different backgrounds, even from different historical eras and think that you can have them get along!!! Crazy! My idea was just plain crazy, but it had gone too far now for me to back out of it. All I could do was keep myself busy and pray that they would not end up killing each other, or worse still, killing me!

Axel and Spencer arrived first, flying in on the Friday evening. Axel was every bit as sweet as I remembered him, but he seemed nervous and tired. Spencer was stunningly handsome, but very aloof and he made it quite clear that he had no intention of sharing a room with Axel. I wanted to ask him why, but he had that determined, sort of cold look in his eyes, and Axel was already smiling with relief, so I said nothing. I decided to give Spencer one of the single rooms at the motel, which seemed to please him and I asked Axel to stay in the house with me.

Spencer did not hang around but went directly to his room saying he wanted to catch a radio broadcast. Once Spencer was out of the way, I asked Axel how the journey had been. ‘It was okay,’ he said, ‘but Spencer’s kinda creepy, you know? I don’t think he thought much of my piloting skills, but I got us here in one piece.’ I thanked Axel for his efforts, and realising he must be hungry I told him I would make him something to eat. But by the time I brought the food from the kitchen, he was already fast asleep on my sofa. He looked so sweet and so peaceful that I didn’t have the heart to wake him up. Instead I covered him up with an old comforter and let him sleep. The peace and quiet did not last for long and poor Axel woke with a start when we heard the loud bang which appeared to resonate from my backyard. A quick look out the window confirmed that Mr Willy Wonka had arrived in his glass elevator.

Dressed in his maroon velvet frock coat and wearing his trade mark top hat, Willy smiled at us broadly as he proceeded to check on the contents of my kitchen cupboards. When I ventured to ask him if he had saw Raphael on his way here, he sniffed and said ‘I never noticed any Indians, but then I wasn’t really looking.’ Axel sensed my anxiety and tried to comfort me saying, ‘If he’s not here by noon tomorrow, I’ll use my plane to scout for him.’ The supper I had made for Axel earlier was in the oven on a low heat and when Willy discovered it, he assumed that it was for him. He said he was starving, so I let him have the food and set about making something else for Axel and myself.

After we had all eaten, I asked Willy if he wanted to check into the motel. He pulled a face and said, ‘I can’t imagine when anyone would want to stay in a motel, they are such ugly places.’ Well, I guess he had a point, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted him under my roof but before I could say anything further, Willy spoke again. ‘I know most of your other guests are staying over, but frankly, I think that’s really weird! I didn’t get to be a chocolate magnate by neglecting my work, so I will only be here for brief periods of time. My glass elevator allows me to make the trip in seconds, and I only really came here tonight because I wanted to check you out before all the other guests arrived.’

And did I meet with Mr Wonka’s approval? He gave me his tight little smile and said, ‘You’re weird, but I like weird.’ And then, gathering up his hat and cane, he headed for the back door. ‘I’ll be back again tomorrow. Thanks for supper.’ He stopped suddenly and walked over to Axel. ‘Where are my manners?’ he said, taking Axel by the hand and shaking it furiously. ‘It was a pleasure to meet you Mr Crankshaft, I’m sure we’ll get along famously.’ Then he was gone, leaving Axel and I gazing in wonder as he took off in his glass elevator.

Later on that evening as Axel and I sat sipping mugs of hot chocolate before retiring to bed, we heard a car pulling up on the driveway. Axel peered out the window, saying ‘It’s one of those big Cadillacs, the kind the gangsters always have in movies. Two guys have just got out of it, and one looks like an undercover cop and the other one looks like a drug dealer.’ Mr Blackmar is a very astute young man! He had sussed Donnie and George out in seconds. As I opened the door, George strutted towards me, looking sensational! How anyone can wear a white polyester safari suit and make it look cool is beyond me? But Georgie Boy did it; he looked great! He threw his arms around me, giving me a big hug and kissed my cheek. ‘Thanks Doll, for getting me out of the slammer for a couple of days, and for getting Johnny here to give me a lift.’

Donnie took off his shades and shrugged his shoulders as he stretched out to shake my hand. He looked good in his blue jeans and black leather jacket, but I could tell the journey had been a strain on him. Axel took to George instantly and within in minutes he was taking George out back to check out his plane. Donnie stretched out on the sofa with a can of cold beer, and let out a long sigh. ‘Your beloved Georgie seems to think I’m the actor who played him in the movie they made about his life.’ I couldn’t help but laugh! George thought Donnie was Johnny Depp! ‘Well, you do look like him, and I suppose it’s easy enough to get Donnie and Johnny mixed up.’ Donnie closed his eyes and said, ‘I’ve been telling him all day I’m not an actor, but I can’t convince him.’ I reminded Donnie that at least George’s confusion meant that he had no idea that Donnie was an F.B.I. agent and that was surely a good thing. Donnie appeared to be drifting off to sleep, but then he suddenly jumped up off the sofa and rushed over to the window.

‘That kid, what’s his name, Axel? Can he really fly a plane?’ I nodded my head as Donnie brought out his handgun and checked if it was loaded. My heart was pounding as I asked him what the hell was going on. ‘Mr Jung has a habit of commandeering light aircraft and taking trips to Colombia! Did you never see the movie ‘Blow’? The guy’s a major drug dealer, and that kid looks naïve enough to be taken in by him.’ This was too much! Donnie Brasco was guilty of bringing his work home with him, and I intended to put a stop to this whole undercover thing right now!

‘Donnie, you’re not thinking straight. George was a major drug dealer, but not anymore. He’s not a cokehead, he’s clean. The only thing he’s sniffing out there is the night air, and even if he talked Axel into making a drug run, he has no money! I’m sure no matter how fondly the Colombian drug barons remember George, they’re still not going to let him load a plane with cocaine without having the money upfront.’ Donnie’s shoulders slumped and he stuffed the gun back in his jacket pocket. ‘You’re right’ he said. ‘I’m sorry, I guess I’m just tired.’ I was tempted to tell him to ‘Fuggetaboutit’, but I figured Donnie was probably too tired to appreciate my attempts at humor.

When Axel and George came back inside, George refused my offer of food or a beer, but he said he would really like some tea, if it was not too much trouble. I made him tea and he chatted away easily about his life, remembering some good times, and shaking his head sadly over some of his past mistakes. I couldn’t help but like him, it was just a pity that Donnie didn’t seem to feel the same way. By now it was almost midnight, and I was extremely tired. I suggested we call it night, and Axel, ever the sweet, helpful boy, offered to take Donnie and George over to the motel to check in. I managed to quickly ask Donnie if he was happy to share a room with George, and he sighed and said, ‘Yeah, I’ll be fine as long as he stops calling me Johnny.’ Just then George draped an arm over Donnie’s shoulders and said, ‘Let’s hit the hay, Johnny. It’s been a long day.'

[deppstergal]

Thanks for the wonderful feedback! I love scribbling fan fic and it's nice to be able to share my Depp fan fic with other Deppheads. I will check out the rest of the site now, but I hope to be a regular here.

Bye for now,

deppstergal

[The Poetic Protégée]

Wow, looks like was logged in at the right time, another installment! ;D

I was tempted to tell him to ‘Fuggetaboutit’, but I figured Donnie was probably too tired to appreciate my attempts at humor.

Heehee, I liked that bit!

‘Let’s hit the hay, Johnny. It’s been a long day.'

Oh dear

Yay! More, more, more!!!

[The Caribbean Crusader]

deppstergal said:

Thanks for the wonderful feedback! I love scribbling fan fic and it's nice to be able to share my Depp fan fic with other Deppheads. I will check out the rest of the site now, but I hope to be a regular here.

Thrilled to have you! ;D


I can't wait until Jack and Roux arrive!

[deppstergal]

Arrivals

Saturday The Early Birds

I overslept on Saturday morning and rushed downstairs to find Axel putting the finishing touches to a breakfast tray for me. ‘I thought I better wake you because there’s been a couple more arrivals early this morning. I took them over to the motel to unpack but I said you’d want to see them later on this morning.’ I asked Axel who the new arrivals were and he told me that a guy called Tom Hanson seemed to be in charge of one group, and the other group was in total confusion. ‘I tried to get some sense out of them, but all I know is one of the guys appears to be blind.’ I thanked Axel for his help and for his kindness in making my breakfast, but I told him I would eat later. ‘Right now I need to get over to the motel and attend to my new guests.’

The desk clerk at the motel shook his head in despair when I asked him about my latest batch of guests. ‘The three young guys seem okay, but the other three are all no brainers if you ask me.’ I bit my bottom lip as I wondered if I had made a mistake putting all the nut jobs together. Just then Spencer walked into the foyer and started complaining that the noise from the room next to his was so loud that he couldn’t hear his radio even at full volume! I assured the desk clerk that I would deal with the unruly tenants and Spencer gave me a smile that left me weak at the knees and turned my blood to ice at the same time. I was still recovering from Spencer’s smile when the desk clerk informed me that ‘the blind guy would have to go.’ Apparently he did not have the necessary facilities to deal with visually disabled clients and he wasn’t prepared to risk an insurance claim if Sands were to hurt himself.

Half an hour later, I had managed to get Raoul to understand that he would have to behave if he wanted to stay, but poor Mort was in such a state of panic that all he could do was wander around the room, cracking his jaw and repeating ‘Rawr, rawr, rawr.’ Sands seemed calm enough as he quietly carried on setting up what seemed like a ton of recording equipment. I told him what the desk clerk had said about him having to leave the motel, and he pulled out his cell phone and made a quick call. As he snapped his phone shut, he said, ‘That issue has now been resolved. My superiors are speaking with the desk clerk right now and arranging for me to stay here until I choose to leave.’ He went back to feeling his way through a jumble of wires, intent on completing his task. ‘Why do you need all this stuff?’ I asked him quietly, and without stopping what he was doing he said, ‘Don't you know that this place is full of undesirables, maybe even some aliens? I think for all our sakes I should check them out.’

What could I say to Sands? I just patted his arm and left him to his work. I decided to take Mort back to the house with me and try and calm him down, but first I quickly said hello to Tom, Glen and Lerner. Tom was busy helping Glen check the beds, seems Glen has not yet recovered from his infamous bed incident and refuses to sleep in any bed until it has been thoroughly checked out. Lerner was sitting quietly at the table writing a letter. I asked him if he was okay and smiled and said he was just feeling a little homesick. Poor baby! I guess he hasn’t come to terms with the fact that he will never go home.

Tom finished reassuring Glen that his bed was completely safe and then walked over to greet me. I had forgotten just how gorgeous he was and how tight he wore his jeans! I told him he looked great and he said he was feeling pretty good. ‘I got no problems with Lerner or Glen, but some of your other guests are out of their minds. Watch the guy with the bedhead and the glasses’ he warned me. ‘He might look like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, but he’s a psycho if I ever saw one.’ I explained that I was aware of Mort’s problem and that I would be careful in dealing with him. Tom grunted, obviously unsure in my ability to judge characters, and then told me that ‘your astronaut is unhinged as well, I learned how to spot these nut jobs at the Police Academy.’ I thanked him for his concern and asked him if he would bring all the other guests over to my house for brunch at twelve noon. He agreed to my request and I went back to collect Mort before heading back to the house.

In the kitchen there was a note from Axel. ‘Gone to the station to collect some new arrivals, and there’s a guy called Dean Corso in your study. Be back soon, Axel.’ What would I do without Axel Blackmar? One thing I knew for sure, Axel was definitely staying in the house for the duration of the trip. I settled Mort on the sofa, and quizzed him about any possible medication he was on. ‘Is there anything you take to calm you down?’ I asked him and he said Doritos and Mountain Dew were good at calming him down, so I gave in and let him stuff his sweet face with rubbish. Once I was satisfied Mort was okay, I went to my study to welcome Dean Corso.

As I opened the study door I was choked by the cloud of cigarette smoke that wafted towards me. My eyes were stinging so badly that it took me a moment to recognise Dean sitting behind my desk, staring intently at my monitor. ‘Axel told me you were in here,’ I said, ‘and I thought I should welcome you and explain a few things.’ Dean hardly took his eyes off the computer screen as he lit yet another cigarette. I was in the middle of telling him about booking rooms in the motel next door, when he finally looked at me and said, ‘If you want me to stay for your meeting, then I need to have access to this room. I have important business abroad and I need to be able to contact my clients day and night.’ My expression must have told Mr Corso that I was not happy with his arrogant tone, and for a moment he looked almost apologetic. ‘I’ve gone about this in the wrong way,’ he said, ‘I have a tendency to speak bluntly and I realise that it’s not always acceptable. I apologise, this is your home, and I have no right to make these demands on you.’

I nodded my head to indicate that I accepted his apology, then I told him I very much wanted him to attend the meeting. ‘I appreciate you taking the time to come here, and whilst I am willing to allow you certain access to my computer, I am not prepared to turn my study over to you to use as and when you wish.’ He leaned forward and stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray, gathered up his papers and flashed me a smile that almost made me change my mind.

As he crossed the room towards me, I felt like an ogre for denying him the use of my study, but I forced myself not to weaken. ‘Are you leaving?’ I asked him, and he smiled again and shook his head. ‘I intend to stay, but I assume my accommodation is in the motel, so perhaps I should check into my room.’ He could be so sweet when he wanted to be, but I thought it best to remind him that he would be sharing a room with one of the other guests. He shrugged his shoulders as if sharing was not a problem, but I was in a panic because I had no idea who would be his roommate. Fortunately, he did not ask, so I took him over to the motel and checked him into one of the double rooms. I would work out the details later.

[The Poetic Protégée]

...Spencer gave me a smile that left me weak at the knees and turned my blood to ice at the same time.

Oooh, chilling and thrilling ;D

I guess he hasn’t come to terms with the fact that he will never go home.

That's so sad.

Axel is such a cutie! (I'm sure his Angel would love this story...not sure where she has disappeared to but hopefully she'll be back very soon). Not sure I trust Dean Corso though...he creeps me out

I'm so glad you're sharing this story with us.

[The Caribbean Crusader]

This is so much fun to read! ;D

*still giddy with anticipation for the pirates*

[deppstergal]

More Arrivals


Back at the house, I began to prepare brunch for all the guests who had already arrived plus William, Gene and Sam whom Axel had gone to pick up at the station. I could have used some help, but I was more or less on my own until Axel got back. Mort had calmed down, but he still wasn’t in any state to carry out even the simplest of tasks, so I left him curled up on the sofa. I was in the middle of making a huge batch of hash brownies, when I heard the front door open and the clatter of feet. Axel came into the kitchen followed by Gene, who shook my hand and thanked me for the invitation. William was leaning against the doorframe and he looked very pale and very tired. ‘Are you alright?’ I asked, suddenly concerned by his very obvious physical distress. William shook his head and whispered, ‘I need to lie down for a while.’

Gene and Axel helped William upstairs and laid him down on one of the beds to rest. I had forgotten that William did not enjoy the best of health. Perhaps the journey here had been too much for him? I was lost in thought when Sam tapped me on the shoulder and asked ‘Can I help with the cooking?’ I turned to looked at him, and once more his beauty took my breath away. I smiled at him and passed him an apron. Now he beamed at me, happy to feel useful. Sweet Sam, such a beautiful and innocent creature, it was impossible not to love him. And he was a pretty good cook as well! A few minutes later, Gene and Axel came back downstairs, telling me William was asleep. ‘He slept for most of the train journey, and when he woke up he seemed in good spirits’ Gene told me. ‘I don’t think he has a lot of energy,’ I said, ‘From what I can remember of him he seemed to sleep most of the time.’

Now it was clear to me that William would definitely need to stay in the house as I didn’t want him to be left unattended in a motel room. Well, Gene and Sam would probably be okay to share a room, but when I suggested this to them, Sam shook his head. ‘I want to stay here and help you take care of William’ he said. I tried to explain to him that I didn’t have enough rooms or beds, but Sam just smiled at me. ‘I don’t need a room or even a bed, I can sleep under the sink if you like.’ At this point, Gene said he didn’t mind sharing with someone else, ‘But I think Sam should be here, but not if it means sleeping under the sink.’ There was no question of me asking anyone, let alone dear, sweet Sam, to sleep under the sink, but my brain was doing overtime, working out where to put him.

I knew I wanted to keep Axel with me, and I had planned to give one of the double rooms to Gilbert and Edward. If Axel didn’t mind sharing with Sam, they could have the other double room and that gave William the single room where he could rest whenever he felt tired. And that also meant that I could ask Gene to share with Dean Corso. As for Mort, I would find him a place to stay after brunch. Gene was a complete gentleman and agreed to my suggestions, and then excused himself to check into his room and freshen up before brunch. Sam, Axel and I cooked enough food for a small army, which was just as well, because Fred and Ichabod arrived just as we laid the food out on the table.

Fred looked like he had all the worries in the world on his shoulders, and Ichabod was as skittish and squeamish as ever. He was also very handsome, and quite proud of the fact that he had made the entire journey without fainting once. I noticed Fred hardly touched a bite of food and quickly excused himself from the table, making his way into the garden to smoke a cigarette. I asked Ichabod how he and Fred had got on during their journey. Ichabod said, ‘Mr Abberline is a good man, and much superior to me in rank, but alas he has little grasp of etiquette and some of his personal habits are questionable.’ Did this mean Ichabod was not prepared to share a room with Fred? Ichabod shrugged his shoulders, saying, ‘I do not wish to be perceived as a prude or a snob, but I would prefer to share with someone with a little more breeding.’ It looked like I had gotten another match completely wrong!

Still the meal was a good time for me to see just who was striking up a friendship and who was rubbing who up the wrong way. Surprisingly enough, Spencer and Sands seemed to have hit it off, and George seemed to find Raoul amusing, but that was a combination that would require close monitoring. God knows what Raoul had stashed in the trunk of his car! Donnie and Tom Hanson seemed to have a lot in common, but I think Tom found Donnie’s obsession with surveillance a little unsettling. Tom seemed to get on well with Lerner, but Glen seemed a bit lost. He was the youngest guy there at barely eighteen years old and he struggled to avoid looking like a kid. I think he liked George, but he was terrified of Raoul, so he kept his distance. Gene seemed to like Dean, but he wasn’t comfortable with either Spencer or Sands.

Naturally, everyone liked Sam, but Axel was always too busy to form any real friendships, but he too seemed to like George. William was still upstairs asleep, and as such, he remained an unknown quantity. And then there was Mort. He was one strange guy, sometimes appearing completely normal and rather sweet, and sometimes his behaviour was so out of kilter that the guy had to be seriously disturbed. Cute, but seriously disturbed. Fred seemed completely detached from the rest of the group, and Ichabod was obviously uncomfortable with all but Axel, who he treated as an older version of young Masbeth. Oh, whatever the present group dynamic, it was bound to change with each new batch of new arrivals.

We didn’t have to wait long as Sir James arrived early that afternoon, and I waited with baited breath to see what kind of impact Bon Bon and Lt Victor would have on the already assembled guests. Ed was Ed, always enthusiastic, always over the top, and always surprising. He showed up in a regular lounge suit, shirt and tie, but told me that he was wearing a brassiere, stockings and a lacy garter belt underneath his very typical male attire. Bon Bon wore very little except for her heavy make-up and a feather boa, but she looked fabulous! She sashayed her way through the group of assembled men dazzling them with her beauty and her feminine attributes. I think Sam fell in love the moment he saw her, and Raoul wasted no time in giving her a quick grope and getting his face slapped for his efforts.

Lt Victor scowled at the guests, but when his eyes met Spencer’s I saw him give him a sneaky wink. Spencer looked shocked and flattered all at the same time. As for James, he was definitely taken with Ichabod and extremely curious about Mort. Ed seemed to be drawn to Gene, much to the very straight accountants dismay. Once again, I had to make some decisions about accommodation. Eventually, I decided to have Ichabod and Mort share with Sir James. Lt Victor I put with Raoul and Sands, and I used up another double room for Ed and Bon Bon, although I had my doubts about their ability to get along. Everything seemed to be working out fine until later that day when Cesar showed up alone.

[The Poetic Protégée]

Oooh, what happens when Cesar gets there?! I'm on the edge of my seat ;D

This is awesome, DSG! What an imagination

[deppstergal]

The Missing Guests


According to the agreed travel arrangements, Cesar was meant to arrive with Don Juan, but now he was nowhere to be seen. ‘We stopped at a little town last night, and the two women who ran the boarding house took a fancy to our little Spanish lover’ Cesar told me solemnly. Oh dear, it seemed that the Don had not lost any of his magnetism when it came to the getting women into bed! Cesar insisted he had done everything to persuade Don Juan to continue on the journey with him this morning, ‘but those women had cast a spell over the Don.’ Knowing Don Juan a little better than Cesar did, I suspected it was the beautiful Don who had cast a spell over the two women. Still, I found it hard to imagine that neither of the ladies had shown in any interest in Cesar, and when I hinted as much, I was surprised to see the handsome gypsy look away in embarrassment as a blush spread across his gorgeous face.

Cesar said he had rejected the women’s advances because he remained forever true to his Susie, and I wondered if Susie had any idea of the power she exerted on this incredibly sexy man from afar. ‘Do not worry,’ Cesar told me, ‘for the Don will soon tire of these women and he will come here, in hopes of finding his beloved Dona Ana.’ As I handed Cesar a plate of food, I realised that George had been listening to the conversation. ‘You know what I think?’ he asked me, nodding in Cesar’s direction. ‘I think your gypsy talks the talk, but that little p**** magnet Don Juan, walks the walk.’ I couldn’t help but laugh at this coming from the one guy who strutted his way into a million female hearts. Still, I had to think of way of luring Don Juan away from his newest conquests and getting him here, where he belonged.

True to his word, Axel had set out after brunch to try and find Raphael, but there was no point in asking him to look for the Don. The plane was only a two seater and Don Juan would be on horseback, that’s if he had actually gotten out of bed! I decided to ask Tom Hanson if he would drive to the little town and persuade the amorous young Don to grace us with his company. Tom said he was happy to help. ‘I’ll take Glen with me, if you don’t mind. He’s feeling kind of out of things. He was on the verge of packing his bag and going home earlier today, but I managed to persuade him to stay.’ As busy as I was, I could not pass up on the chance to watch Tom Hanson walking across my backyard in his skin tight jeans. I could feel my pulse rate rocket and my temperature rise. ‘You looked horribly flushed, are you alright?’ It was the soft Scottish lilt of Sir James whispering in my ear. I told him I was fine. I don’t know that he would understand what the sight of such a perfect rear can do to a woman.

Nor the sight of such a beautiful face with the kindest eyes, like his. Sir James was and is a perfect gentleman and he broached the difficult subject of Mort in a very discreet and dignified manner. ‘Poor chappie seems quite confused, disturbed even, but he seemed to calm down when I told him I was a writer. He said he used to be a writer until he suffered terrible writers’ block, so I gave him a few tips for dealing with it, and of course a well bound notebook.’ I glanced out to the backyard to see Mort’s tousled head bent over, intent on scribbling in his new notebook. ‘Did you give him a good title?’ I asked, but Sir James smiled and said that Mort had told him that the most important thing was the ending.

Just then Dean Corso came into the kitchen and asked me politely if he could check his e-mails on my computer. Of course I agreed and Sir James seemed to be very interested in the whole new technology thing and asked Dean if he could show him how this ‘new fangled thingie’ worked. Dean was amused by the famous author’s ignorance, but he was willing to teach Sir James the joys of MS Outlook! I began clearing up the mess in the kitchen, happy that so far my guests appeared to be getting along fine, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Sam, desperate to tell me that William was awake and asking for something to eat. ‘I hear you make the best grilled cheese sandwiches, Sam’ I told him as I handed him the iron. Sam beamed, always delighted to be able to help out.

Outside in the backyard, only Mort and Fred remained apart from the rest of the group, neither of them appearing to want to join in the conversation. Even Ichabod who could be such a wuss at times, seemed to be holding his own with the other guests. Mort was still busy with his writing so I wasn’t too concerned about him, but I was worried about Fred. As soon as I had finished loading the dishwasher, I went outside to talk to Detective Inspector Abberline. ‘Is there something on your mind, Fred? You seem a little distant’ I said gently. Fred took out his tobacco pouch and began rolling a cigarette. ‘I was led to believe that Jack would be here, but that was obviously just a lie to get me to come to this meeting. For a moment I couldn’t work out what he meant, then it dawned on me! He had seen the name Jack on the invitation list and assumed that it referred to Jack the Ripper!

Poor Fred, he just couldn’t let his most famous case rest. ‘Listen,’ I told him, ‘This isn’t about murderers and criminals, I didn’t ask you here so you could solve a crime. This is about you. It’s about finding a way to resolve the issues that stop you from moving on.’ Fred let out a stream of smoke from his beautiful lips and said cynically, ‘If this is about me, why are all these other misfits here? I don’t know them and they don’t know me.’ I shook my head sadly as I sat down on the grass next to him. ‘It’s hard to explain. It’s about all of you. Every one of you has something that needs some kind of resolution, and as for me I need closure on each and every one of you, some more than others.’ Fred glanced up at me, his eyes squinting against the bright sunlight. ‘I am one of the ‘more’ than others’ he asked. I nodded my head as I reached out to take his hand.

‘You have no idea how many sleepless nights I’ve had over you Frederick Abberline. But hopefully the next few days will help both of us to learn to let go of the past.’ As soon as the words left my mouth, I saw his eyes flash with anger. ‘I don’t want to let go of the past! And it’s got nothing to do with the Ripper! I don’t need someone like you poking your nose into my personal affairs! Did you ever think that maybe the past is all I have left? There is no moving on for me, it all ended for me the day Mary Kelly boarded that boat for Ireland.’ My cheeks were burning with embarrassment and with hot tears which seemed to come from nowhere. ‘Fred, please listen to me, I only want to…..’ my voice trailed off into silence as I watched him stride away from me across the lawn.

[The Poetic Protégée]

Oh! Poor Fred. Touched a nerve there

So cute that James inspired Mort to begin writing again! ;D

More! More! More! (please )

[deppstergal]

Spencer Gets The Brush-Off and Axel Gets The Come-On


What a mess I had made of everything! I hated to think I had upset Frederick and it made me question my motives for bringing not only him, but all the others here. I was struggling to my feet when I felt a hand take hold of my arm. I looked up through my teary eyes to see Spencer Armacost smiling at me. ‘I couldn’t help but notice that you were upset. Did that guy do something to you? If that little creep laid a hand on you, just let me know and I’ll soon sort him out.’ I began to cry even harder. ‘No, no. Please just leave me alone. I’ll be okay and there’s no need for you to sort anyone out. Fred didn’t do anything to me. I just need to go inside for a moment and compose myself.’ But Spencer was not about to take no for an answer. He insisted on escorting me inside and fetching me a glass of water.

As I sipped the water, I felt more and more uncomfortable being alone in the kitchen with Spencer. His gaze was almost hypnotic and I was afraid it would break through my defences and I would end up admitting the incredible power he had over me. God! That man has had the ability to reduce me to a quivering wreck from the first time I laid eyes on him! The last thing I wanted or needed was for my libido to go haywire and before I knew it he could have my back against the wall! This man was dangerous and I had to get him away from me. He started rubbing my arm and my insides were turning to mush, when suddenly George appeared from nowhere and said ‘Hey babe, how about you and me dig out some old records. We could use some music. D’you have that ‘Black Betty’ by Ram Jam? That’s one of my all time favourites.’

All I could do was nod my head as I silently offered a prayer of thanks for George Jung with his tacky taste in clothes and his incredible taste in music. Spencer stopped rubbing my arm as he stared coldly at George, but George paid no attention to the astronaut. As I squirmed to free myself from Spencer, I exercised a little damage limitation by asking him if he would check that Sands was okay. Spencer gave me another one of his heart stopping smiles and said, ‘Anything to oblige, but surely you know Agent Sands is probably better equipped to look after himself than most of us. If you’re going to worry about Sheldon, worry about what he might end up doing to your other guests because that guy is insane.’ As Spencer left the room, George pulled a face and said, ‘That kind of stinks of pot, kettle and black, don’t you think, Doll?’ All I could do was smile and say, ‘George, have I told you lately that I love you?’

After two dances with George, I was contemplating a cold shower when Axel showed up with some good news and some bad news. I wanted to hear the bad news first. There was no sign of Raphael. The good news was that a ship had docked at the pier on the river and that two men were asking directions to my house. It looked like the good Captain and sexy Irishman had finally made it to my character assembly. I was still trying to take in this information when Pte Lerner came rushing into tell me that a biker had just turned up in my driveway with an Indian riding pillion. I was overjoyed that Raphael had made it here safe and sound, and of course my blood pressure was tested once more as I watched Wade Walker dismount from his motorcycle. Why did these young boys insist on wearing their jeans so tight? I can’t vouch for the detriments to their well being that kind of constriction might cause, but it certainly took its toll on me!

I took all my willpower to turn the other cheek when Wade tried to kiss me but I was not about to let this winsome boy break down my defences. After all, I had more important things to worry about---like where was Don Juan, and why was Gilbert still not here? And what had happened to Willy who had promised to return again today? I moved forward to give Raphael a welcome hug, but he shied away from me, saying ‘No. Please don’t! I’m dusty from my walk, and I don’t want to spoil your clothes.’ I wanted to tell him that I didn’t care about my clothes, but I knew it would only make him feel more uncomfortable than he was already. Suddenly Ed Wood relieved the tension of our meeting by exclaiming, ‘A real Indian! This is wonderful! I got this great idea for a movie featuring a guy just like you. You ever acted before, Ray? Is that your name? I could make you a star, a big Hollywood movie star. The audiences will love you, you’re a real handsome guy, you know? Oh boy, this is gonna be my best movie ever!’

Poor Raphael had no idea what to make of Ed, but he knew enough to realise he was harmless. Ed put his arm around Raphael’s shoulder and steered him towards the door, intent on convincing my proud brave to become a movie star. Wade Walker asked if he could have a private word with me, and I took him into my study. Dean and Sir James were still in there, both of them fascinated by the latest videos on YouTube, but they showed no resistance when I asked them to leave. For some unknown reason, I expected this talk to be about Raphael, so I was taken aback when Wade began to tell me about his own problems. ‘I wanted to make sure that everyone else here thinks of me as Wade, Wade Walker and not as Cry Baby.’ He went on to explain that it was very embarrassing to have people address him as Cry Baby. He said he was prepared to lie if anyone asked him about the tear tattooed at the corner of his left eye.

‘Wade, you should be proud of who you are and I promise you no one here thinks of you as a joke. You have as much credibility as any of the others, now just relax and I think you’ll enjoy yourself.’ Wade bowed his head and I reached out and tilted his face up, pretending not to notice the single tear that rolled down his cheek. ‘Did you bring your guitar? I was hoping that maybe you would provide a little entertainment for my guests.’ Wade wiped the tear away with the back of his hand, adjusted his package, and smiled his crooked little smile. ‘Oh yes Ma’am, I’d be happy to oblige.’ My beautiful Drape might want to be regarded as all grown up, but he hadn’t changed a bit, he was still just a boy at heart.

Once Wade wandered off to tune his guitar, I went looking for Raphael, worried in case Ed’s enthusiastic movie plans were just too much for him to contend with after his long journey. I needn’t have worried as Axel had rescued him from Ed’s incessant talking and was introducing him and Cesar to the other guests. It struck me that both Raphael and Cesar shared a kind of quiet dignity. Neither of them were shy, but they both bore the stamp of men who understood the wisdom of caution in times of change. It also struck me what a treasure Axel had turned out to be! He was hard working, generous and sincere, and almost as impossible to dislike as my dear, sweet Sam. And it seemed I was not the only person who appreciated Axel’s finer qualities for Bon Bon seemed to be very taken with him, and she did her best to draw his attention away from Cesar and Raphael as she fluttered her false eyelashes at the poor embarrassed boy.